||[Jan. 26th, 2004|09:49 am]
|||||trying to be proud||]|
I want to apologize for unleashing that journal entry on everyone. However, it did help me get things out and to feel better, so I guess writing it was worth it.
But anyway, I need to bring control into my life. I'm the only one who can do so. And until I subconsciously realize this, nothing will get better. I will continue to make my life a living hell. I will continue to scare everyone and ruin their lives. In short, I will continue to be a bad person.
And I simply cannot take it any longer. The good person is hiding, waiting for a chance to come out, and I'm not letting it. I'll tell you why...I feel afraid and guilty whenever that good person comes out. I feel I don't deserve it. But the fact remains that everyone else deserves it, and so do I.
I need to realize it. And I need to act like I realize it.
I got my grades today. All A's!!! I've now completed 12 units at Gavilan with a 4.0 GPA. I should be proud of myself. I will make myself be proud and not feel guilty for feeling that way.
Gosh, but I have a LOT of practicing to do.
The new semester starts tomorrow. That should be interesting.
I hope you all have a wonderful day.