|Only in the process of giving the world to each other can we truly give ourselves to the world.
||[Mar. 9th, 2006|08:51 pm]
I love him so damn much.
I know a lot of you are getting a bit fed up with my talking about Ari so much (and really, I would be too if I were you), but at this point...I really could care less after all that has happened. I need to write this...I know it and so does he, but my journal needs to know it too. I need to describe in writing just how wonderful I feel about this, or I'll explode from the thought itself.
I never question that I love him dearly, but it takes conversations like tonight's to really remind me just why we are so connected. Why he can tell me "I love you" every single day, with it still feeling newer and more special to me with each passing moment. Why I ache to get started on the rest of our life with every fiber of my being, and why this feels like exactly the right thing to do. Why there is so much excitement in his voice every time he calls me...the sole process of calling me just to share something with me for the lone reason that it brings him so much joy for me to hear it. And, even why this has happened to me...why HE has happened to me, and I to him.
It's there, loud and clear...it simply takes things like this for me to see it before me all at once, in full, vivid, loving detail. It takes things like this to really make me cry tears of utter joy.
I want this to be the best it ever could be, and yet it seems that my job is done. It already could be no better. He wants to be my life, and I want for me to be his.. yet, I think this wanting is futile. We already are one life. Just, not in the way it sounds. The confidence his love has given me has allowed me to find new opportunities for myself...the fruits of which I ache to share with no one on earth but him. I am confident in my achievements and know I have done them all myself, yet because of this...I am even more confident in what WE can accomplish.
I am capable, he is capable, WE are capable. And, we have each other...this is the whole reason why. We are the missing pieces to each other's lives. The links that everyone instinctively is born trying to find. Well, we seem to have found ours. How else could it be as real and beautiful and truthful as it is? How can we already be blurting out the exact same thoughts at the exact same moment? How are we able to admit so readily when something isn't right, when something is less than wonderful...and then be able to successfully get through it and feel even closer in the process of such truth? How can it already be noticed how we move and function as a unit?
Our very beings seem to meld together to the point where we seem as one entity...and yet, we have two separate lives. Two separate backgrounds. It is only in the willingness to share all this with each other, and to make our lives mesh on the same level with our hearts, that commitment seems unbreakable. And, it does now. It has for quite some time. I can see our confidence for each other pushing us on to new heights and new possibilities. Things we have accomplished for ourselves, but which we gained the courage to attempt through the confidence that whatever happens, the foundation we have in each other is the sole thing that cannot be broken.
For, in the process of giving the world to each other, we are giving ourselves to the world utterly and completely.