I'm sorry about not mentioning it until yesterday, but there had never been a good time until then. I probably shouldn't have told you until the next day, though, so you could get good sleep. I'm fine with you having called me last night, but I woke my mum up and she heard the latter half of the conversation. I know I'm in for quite a bit of explaining. I think that you should stay with your mother for those two months and get a job there, in the meantime. Do college bookstores stay open in the summer? Because if that's the case, then you may be able to actually stay here and pay a little bit into the family pot, because then we might be able to afford your stay. Since Kean will almost certainly love you, after all, you're the perfect student, you can probably give them a call once you're accepted, and you definitely will be accepted, and ask them if you can start this summer and get housing. Colleges will cater to the needs of students as exceptional as you. If you do stay with your mother, you'll have to get a job there, both for income and for your sanity. You should have no trouble finding a job if you've done so well with retail already. Don't worry, life's fine. Everything will work out.
Damn I'm very sorry for that. looks like i disrupted everyone last night
Yeah they're always open...I could I'm hoping. not the time they usually hire, but i probably could...I'm more than willing to pay rent also, lots of it. But I don't want to be in the way of remodeling or anything...na d I don't know if kean would let me.
I could get a job by my family's, but that would also mean my mother would have to drive me every day, which would add even more to her stress...and hence mine...though i feel like i'm gonna snap already.
Don't worry, everything will work out. My father was far more optimistic than my mother. He supports you staying out here, but thinks it will be a major logistical challenge. Don't worry!
Ok, I'll try not to. This helps a lot to know. But for some reason, the "Don't worry!" part at the end was insanely comforting.
And I've forgotten my cell today. I'll speak with you when I'm home.
Oh wow...I'm so sorry...I hope everything works out *hugs*
It did, very thankfully :) *hug!*
There is nothing more terrifying than life.
I know what it feels like to have every negative thought screaming through your head at the speed of light, circling and repeating themselves until you feel you'll drown under the weight of them
and how can you possibly go on without exploding, without dying in some way.
I am intimately acquinted with such panic attacks.
I love you hon. You've handled more than anyone else possibly could have, and now you're letting some of the stress out through a mini breakdown. Trust me hon, it's better out than in. It sucks, but tomorrow or the next day, or maybe even next week, things will start to be bright and shiny again. Until then, hang in there. Really, things turn out alright in the end. I truly believe that. If I can make it through a night like that (and I've had many) then you can most certainly make it through - because I know you're as strong as I am.
Having a breakdown does not make you weak. It's healthy. If you held it all on the inside it would start to eat you alive. Considering your situation, you are coping the best that anyone possibly could.
*lots of love and hugs*
Ohhh gosh...I am so sorry you have to know the feeling of those. *hugs* All the same though, it's comforting to know you've gone through them and survived them too. I've survived all mine...the same with Tuesday night's (is it just me, or do all the horrible things happen on Tuesdays, lol?). And yes, now I do indeed think the world is shiny again!! :)
That's also a good way to look at it, "better out than in". I really do feel better now, after that horrible night.
For what it would cost you in airfare, you might be able to rent a room somewhere in NJ for the time when you are not able to stay at Ari's. Then, yo ucould get a job while you do that, in order to pay for food and stuff. It'll be rough, but you won't be the first person who's done it.
Sorry for the lateness of this comment- i haven't been on the comp in a few days.
Thank you hun...that's something I hadn't thought of before! Though it looks like I may be able to pay his family rent (sonething which I was feeling guilty for not having to do beforehand) until the dorms open up. If not though, at least I've finally thought through the variety of options I have.