|Ok Life, you've won. Now give me a frickin' break, ok?
||[May. 12th, 2006|07:21 pm]
How could it be?
The semester's ended, my plane leaves Tuesday. I should be overjoyed. But instead I feel like I can't stop screwing stuff up! I feel like a burden to everyone. I just keep putting my foot in my mouth and sounding like a stupid, uninformed, bitchy person who clings to everybody with an iron grip. Then, surprise!...I screw things up even more!!
Am I really this way, or is it just my mind ruining things when I should be most joyous, as usual?
I may be over the anorexia, but the root of what caused it is still deep inside me. Can I really handle letting myself get excited about something, or am I once again going to let myself ruin everything?
That must be what caused it. Or, am I just annoying as hell?
Yessssss indeedy. Yeah. I hate the moments when I hate myself, and that makes me hate them even more because I feel like I shouldn't dislike hating myself because it's only what I deserve...why does ANYONE love me? Or are they just acting like they do? Have I been unconsciously fooling them? I shouldn't be deceiving them like this. They need to know who I truly am.
Whatever else, I've just screwed things up royally that were none of my frickin' business. Bravo, Amanda!!
Do me a favor and take me off your friends' lists and voice your utter contempt at how disgusting of a person I am. I'm asking for it just by complaining yet again.