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Every time I feel my life has stopped changing, I find out it hasn't… - See the Amanda, Feel the Shine! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Amanda

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[Jul. 14th, 2006|10:59 am]
Amanda
Every time I feel my life has stopped changing, I find out it hasn't even begun. Things have changed...radically, in fact. I can barely recognize my life as mine. It will take some getting used to. I've had a lot of anxiety attacks as a result. A lot of depression, too. It seems I'm out of it for the time being, but who knows for sure? So many changes, good and bad.

Let's start with the good, first:
-I have housing for the Fall Semester. They ran out of room at the dorms and have apparently set up a deal with the Hilton hotel not far from Kean. Two floors of the hotel will be used for student housing. I found out yesterday that they have a room available for me, and it is there. Only $70 more per semester. So, I have housing and it will be exciting.
-Ari found out he's been accepted to Kean. Yay!
-I have a new cell phone. My dad's family plan contract runs out on Sunday, so I started up my own account. I got a great deal and a really spiffy cell phone for free. This is the first bill I'll be paying on my own, and it's a relief in a strange way.
-Ari is still just as cute and sweet as before.
-I'm still alive.

The bad, on the other hand, makes me shudder:
-Last week, my drawer at work came up $50 short. I'm now on probation/audit for 30 days. I have no clue what happened or how on earth that money came up missing. I count change back to the customers, I obviously don't steal, I put bills in their proper places...I have no idea what happened. But now, according to the manager..."everyone makes mistakes, but this was a costly one and if you make one more like this, you're outta here". I don't even know what I did, or even if it was my fault at all! So, I've been working every day in fear that something will happen again and I'll be out of work. It might be for the best since it's so clique-ish there and no one seems to like me, but still...I did nothing wrong and I'm scared. Customers keeps complimenting me on my bagging and my helpfulness, but who cares apparently? All the little mistakes a new person makes seem to keep sending the managers into kahoots towards me.
-I miss my family. A LOT. I also regret that I prepared myself so little for this move. I did the right thing, it seems...I just did it in entirely the wrong way. The numbness of leaving for a fresh start is rapidly turning into fear and guilt because I could have taken so much of myself along with me if I'd only allowed myself to. Now I have to find it all over again.

That's about it. I really want to start replying now. After several anxiety attacks, the social block seems to have healed. I'll update again soon. I miss you guys.
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Comments:
From: (Anonymous)
2006-07-14 10:50 pm (UTC)
Inasmuch as you aren't allowed to count your drawer at the start/finish of your day, they could tell you anything and you'd have no way of knowing whether it's the truth. Quite the little scam someone has going on. Arghhhhhhhhh, it's all part of experiencing life. Someone gets shafted all the time, this was your time. But it balances out with the days when everything is soooo wonderful you can't believe it's your life. That's good. Fortunately, time moves on and one day you'll notice you can think about the shaftings without feeling the pain. Then it becomes a good story to share with others during their bad times. :o)

Give yourself time to smooth out from the move. It will be alright, YOU'LL be alright. Really. xoxo

-TLB
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-07-16 12:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Risa. This and what you told me last night really succeeded in comforting me a lot. Thank you for understanding.
And yeah, the more I think about it...the more I suspect that I was $50 short through an error of theirs, not an error of mine, and they just don't want to admit to it because it would make them look so bad. Let's hope it works out, but if not...at least I feel more free with the idea of being fired.
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