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A stream of gratefulness (READ IT: you'll look at things differently!) - See the Amanda, Feel the Shine! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Amanda

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A stream of gratefulness (READ IT: you'll look at things differently!) [Nov. 28th, 2007|11:30 pm]
Amanda
[Current Mood |gratefulgrateful]

I love my life and all the people in it. There are so many people who love me unconditionally and who I'd happily give the world for. I have a wonderful family, a wonderful boyfriend, and his wonderful family (who I now count as part of my own family). Minuet and Chester and all the non-humans in my life also are members of this beautiful, solid family.
I also have wonderful friends, to whatever facet they might stretch. Today at work I was talking with Solomon about how I have so many great acquaintances but don't have any solid friends since I came out here. Then he told me that we're all friends at the bookstore, and that just because we might not meet outside of work, he still considers everyone there to be some of his best friends. I agreed...indeed, he's very right when he puts it like that. I thought that was so sweet and I've been thinking of it all day. I guess I really do have a lot of friends around, they're just different sorts than what I'm used to.

Then in health class tonight we discussed death and aging, and how to deal with the inevitability of losing someone. The professor said that one day, we'll either have to deal with losing those we love or they'll have to deal with losing us...and that it isn't a bad thing, it's just something we need to come to terms with. She ended the long lesson with reminding us not to dread losing someone, but to enjoy every moment we can with them and try to realize how much we appreciate them.

Of course, being me, I really took this to heart and immediately upon getting back to my room I gave my mother a call. I talked with her and Julian and really enjoyed the conversation. I let them know how much I and appreciated, missed and loved them. Then Ari came over for an emotionally connective bit of time and I told him the same thing. Nothing has made me happier than this evening.

And most of all I'm finding that I love myself. I look in the mirror now and see the face of a capable, confident, intelligent, BEAUTIFUL woman. My face shines from inside. I can see why people value me; I am worthy of this! I didn't used to be, it's taken a tremendous effort to get where I am today, on the part of those who were there for me but more importantly, on the part of myself. I am proud of who I am and I am so happy for this life I've made for myself. I may be broke, overworked, and still on shaky adult-legs, but I have a hell of a good life with good, supportive people who value me just as I do, and a few years from now this life's only going to be better. All the right ingredients are here; it's just that the recipe's still being put together.

Today happened for a reason, like every other. I just happened to see this reason more clearly than most.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: _b0mbsh3ll
2007-11-29 08:02 am (UTC)
I love reading your posts.. they're so inspirational :)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: opera_lover_44
2007-11-29 11:19 am (UTC)
I'll always be your friend no matter what :)

Maybe it's just my age or whatever but I simply can't just come to terms with it. I am so paranoid about losing Garry or my family...or myself. I am absolutely terrified of death and just thinking about it creates this feeling inside of a longing to just sob

I'm glad you finally see all that because it's so true :)
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