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Amanda

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A shocking observation [Nov. 3rd, 2003|11:10 am]
Amanda
[Current Mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[Listening to |"What a Good Boy"--Barenaked Ladies]

It's Transfer Day at Gavilan today. It's weird to see people who are a year older than me thinking of going to this college next year. I feel so small--I'm two years ahead of them. And next year my friends will be coming to this when they're seniors in high school, and I'll be a college sophomore. Now that is just weird.
And how did I get here? I took a test. One test to replace two years of high school. It doesn't seem right, but I'm glad the option is there. But it just seems too easy.

I always push myself. I was proud of myself for graduating for a week or so, and then I thought, but I don't know how to drive. And, I didn't get 100% on that last test. Why am I like this? Why can't I just be happy with myself? It's so easy for other people to be happy with themselves, so why can't I?
I should be proud of myself--I've come a long way and have a lot of potential to go much further. I've written six big pages of my book. I've come through a deadly illness, and I'm the one who saved my life. I care about the environment and animals. I'm volunteering. I know what I want to do in life. I know who I want to be with in life. And I've been getting along with my family.
So why am I not happy with myself? Why am I always demanding more? I still don't know for sure, but I think it's because I find something wrong with being happy. Other people can be happy, but I can't. And I'm the only one who can change this subconscious philosophy I have invented. I'm still learning how to, but I hope someday I will succeed.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-11-03 07:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much--that's very good advice. I'll try waiting for happiness, and maybe it will come. And thank you for the compliments--you are a very strong and clever person as well, and I'm sure you will accomplish a lot of good things in life.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-11-04 03:52 am (UTC)
Thanks for pointing that out--I do need to believe in myself more, and even something as simple as what words I use helps. And thank you--that really makes me feel better.
Have a good day :)
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[User Picture]From: brithla
2003-11-03 08:46 pm (UTC)
Just be super positive! Instead of saying I hope one day I will succeed, say I will succeed. If you say it enough then you'll eventually believe it. :) Like the Little Engine that Could! :D You're still young, so you have plenty of time to figure out what makes you really happy. :)

And it's not weird that you're two years ahead. There's a 13 year old sophomore at my college. :p
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-11-04 03:49 am (UTC)
Thank you so much--I'll try to be more like the Little Engine That Could. To think of it, he's a very good role model :)
That makes me feel better--if I were that 13-year-old, I would feel much weirder!
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[User Picture]From: brithla
2003-11-05 09:28 pm (UTC)
Glad I could help! :D

I kind of feel bad for that kid. It's not like he's one of those 13 year olds that looks older. He really looks young!
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[User Picture]From: pseudolollipop
2003-11-03 10:21 pm (UTC)

hope

at least you have hope. someday you will be happy, and definately proud of all your acomplishments. Wow, college. Ha, I'm just happy with AP classes well, best of luck to ya. I'll be prayin for your happiness.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-11-04 03:46 am (UTC)

Re: hope

Thank you so much--you have a very good point :) And you should be happy with your AP classes--they're really something to be proud of, and much less weird than my situation.
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[User Picture]From: thedarkcrystal
2003-11-04 09:36 am (UTC)
Most people today don't like to let themselves be happy. It's just how we are. That doesn't mean you can't overcome it, but you are definitely not the only one.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-11-04 03:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks--that's very true.
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