|I write, not paying attention to what I am writing, and this is what I come up with
||[Dec. 21st, 2003|04:21 pm]
|||||U2--The Joshua Tree||]|
Every once in a while I get the strangest feeling. I call it a feeling because it is one, but I don't exactly know what to call it, so I'll describe it instead. It is like this wave of utter and complete hopelessness, but it only lasts for a minute or so. With it come thoughts. I often wonder what the point of life is if what is now the present will soon become the past, if all that we know and care about (or don't care about) will soon pass away into oblivion. In time we can go to the future, but never again will we ever be able to go to the past. It is gone from us, it is out of our grasp.
And I always seem to get this feeling when I am happy, and understandably it ruins it for me. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? There was a year of my life when these feelings, these thoughts, crossed my mind almost every day. Now they rarely do, and I'm thankful for that. But what does it all mean? What does life mean? Why are we condemned to always be going forward, yet still have the ability to look back and see what we once had? Is it a blessing or a curse? Is it just the concept of time we humans have created for ourselves, or is it reality? I suspect that if people had never figured out how to measure time, these questions would never be asked, because there would not be an issue. Was the concept of time invented to limit us, to make us feel trapped, or was it invented to stem an overwhelming curiousity of how the world works? Sometimes I think we humans are too curious for our own good. We have uncovered things that should not have been known, and consequently the world is how it is. And I am trapped here, pondering.
Reading over this, I have to admit the subconscious is a very good thing.