|Finished M, S &T, and eating problems of late
||[Dec. 31st, 2003|09:48 am]
|||||not so sure||]|
Last night I finished reading the Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series by Tad Williams. It was great! Seriously one of the best series I've ever read. I can't wait to read it again in a little while.
Yeah, I know I'm obsessed. But that goes for any of the other good books or series I've read.
So if you like fantasy books, you'll love these. They start with The Dragonbone Chair.
But anyway, enough of that. I had my counseling appointment yesterday, and we discovered many things that I hadn't known before. For a while now I've noticed I've been slipping back, and it's been getting harder to eat. As I look for food, I've been thinking "no, I don't need to eat right now. I'm going to get fat." And then I either eat the food and fight back, or put the food back and give in. And if I fight back, I feel fat. Extremely so. If I give in, I feel extremely good about myself.
This hasn't happened in so long. I think it has to do with the five pounds I gained over vacation. I just couldn't handle it. So what do I do? Will it pass, or will it get worse? I don't want another relapse--I couldn't handle it now.
No one except other anorexics know how hard it is for me to eat sometimes. It is an everyday struggle just to get by, and lately it's been getting worse. I just don't know what to do anymore. After 2 1/2 years of being able to fight, suddenly it's getting harder. I need to stop this before it gets worse. This needs to stop.