||[Mar. 7th, 2006|06:45 am]
Sorry for that post--last night was not good. I was all lonely and angsty and depressed, and angry with Ari, and angry at myself, and all sorts of other fun things. That's talked about now and at least he knows how upset I was, and seems to understand. So, things are better now. At least he's good about talking over things rather than getting all defensive and aggressive.
But it's still long-distance. I fucking HATE long-distance relationships! We're feeling the strain, and I don't frickin' care anymore to admit I've given into its stresses. They're horribly painful in every way. Can't wait for that part of it to end.
And yay, being home alone is turning into hell. Sure I have people at school to talk to, and people to call...but it's not the same. The people at school/work don't know me well enough for their presence to really do the same thing, and when I call someone they're not here. They're not with me. They're somewhere damn ELSE. They're far far away.
Seriously--my mother and siblings are three hours away. I'll see them next month, and who knows when after that? Ari, of course, is across the country and there is over two months til that's gonna change. You're all dispersed in various places, none of which are close enough.
I don't like myself when I'm stuck with me and no one else. I thought I'd enjoy the time of peace to *winkwinknudgenudge*, but when I'm alone this only seems to make me more depressed and disconnected.