||[Mar. 15th, 2006|12:51 pm]
Ok. I finally feel better. Guess I needed to just be around people for awhile and feel useful.|
So I still feel like crap, but now it's manageable.
Seriously, there are so many wonderful people in my life, and in the face of them I feel soooo inadequate. And Ari too...he may say I bring him sanity on a daily basis, but what on earth do I ever do for this to happen? He has to put up with my mental issues every single day...what do I have to put up with? His cute eccentric ramblings? No match for the drama I make, seriously. I feel guilty. Same with my family.
And, to those of you who were answering my call for help last night...it seems like the only time I ever sign onto IM anymore is when I'm lonely and need people to service my need for conversation. Not because I want to see how their day was. I feel horrible for doing this, like an emotional parasite. I didn't even answer a lot of your IM's...I didn't even care that you were worried about me. I just freaked out. And yet, I knew I was doing this and that it was selfish and worrisome, but I did it anyway. Which is why it was so evil of me.
Yeah. I have issues. Welcome to life, Amanda...shit happens. Deal with it.