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Ok. I finally feel better. Guess I needed to just be around people… - See the Amanda, Feel the Shine! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Mar. 15th, 2006|12:51 pm]
Ok. I finally feel better. Guess I needed to just be around people for awhile and feel useful.
So I still feel like crap, but now it's manageable.
Seriously, there are so many wonderful people in my life, and in the face of them I feel soooo inadequate. And Ari too...he may say I bring him sanity on a daily basis, but what on earth do I ever do for this to happen? He has to put up with my mental issues every single day...what do I have to put up with? His cute eccentric ramblings? No match for the drama I make, seriously. I feel guilty. Same with my family.
And, to those of you who were answering my call for help last night...it seems like the only time I ever sign onto IM anymore is when I'm lonely and need people to service my need for conversation. Not because I want to see how their day was. I feel horrible for doing this, like an emotional parasite. I didn't even answer a lot of your IM's...I didn't even care that you were worried about me. I just freaked out. And yet, I knew I was doing this and that it was selfish and worrisome, but I did it anyway. Which is why it was so evil of me.

Yeah. I have issues. Welcome to life, Amanda...shit happens. Deal with it.

[User Picture]From: glacier_kitty
2006-03-15 01:43 pm (UTC)
Man...this sound like me during that time of the month...don't worry, it'll pass. And you're not evil
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-03-16 09:42 am (UTC)
Hahahah yeah...that's exactly what I'm reminding myself of too. Hence how repulsed at myself I was :P
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From: ex_la_foret689
2006-03-16 09:27 am (UTC)
Reading your journal makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time.

God it all sounds so familiar. Every thought that has ever run through my own head somehow finds it's way into your journal - they tear through your mind as well.

You are too hard on yourself.

We are here because we want to be. You do not suck us into a vortex against our wills. I support you because I want to. Because I'm happy to lend support where it is needed, especially since people are always doing the same for me. It's the pay it forward concept.

There is no need to feel guilty about accepting things that people freely offer. You do deserve it. All the love and friends and support.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-03-16 09:59 am (UTC)
I feel the exact same way about you!!
It's so wonderful to know you understand all this and I'm not alone, but it also makes me feel so upset that you HAVE TO be going through this, since I'd wish it on no one. *hug*

But, yeah. I need to remember all this. When one of my friends asks me for help or advice, I have no problem in giving it and feel honored they entrusted me to help them. So, why do I feel so horrible for asking the same of my friends?? I guess I just need to keep pounding the thought of how ridiculous this is into my head, until it sticks.
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