|Bizarre, confusing dreams
||[Apr. 2nd, 2006|09:00 am]
These seem extremely significant, yet as always I'm horrible at deciphering my own dreams. Any help/feedback/advice would be greatly appreciated.
I was at some kind of party, and was really confused because Ari had broken up with me a few days ago and I didn't even know why. He had just said he couldn't continue, and it didn't sound like him in the first place so I didn't even know for sure how it had happened, or even IF it had happened. I was planning on asking out my friend Greg (I knew him from middle school), in an attempt to fill the void and end the confusion. But as it drew near the time to, I realized that this was an absolutely horrible thing to do since I didn't like Greg in that way and shouldn't be using him as a placeholder, when he's a good person who doesn't deserve that.
I was also thinking, "I've gotta try calling Ari". I was hoping that if I did, he'd pick up and not even recall anything had changed, and it would be alright and nothing would ever come of this issue again. And I was thinking, "it's like a band-aid, but band-aids prevent infection so sometimes they can be good...".
I had a baby boy, and he was the most beautiful child I had ever seen. I was at the seashore with Mama, who had, for whatever reason, invited everyone from my grade school classes to a waterslide party to celebrate. I didn't want this (mainly because the seashore has always scared me and made me depressed, even with its beauty, and I never have been able to figure out why).
I was holding him at this time and had forgotten for a second if the baby was a boy or a girl, but to me it didn't matter because he was my baby and it felt so good to have one, and look forward to raising this child. I was trying to call Ari because I wanted him to be there, but the phone lines didn't go through and then I realized I didn't have my cell phone at all.
Meanwhile, my mother had taken me into this place where all the people were. It had the waterslides inside with the food, and everything was sopping wet and cold, and a bit creepy. Everyone looked different (for some reason I recall most the guy who had beat me in the 6th-grade Spelling Bee--I had gotten 2nd place because I had gotten nervous and started stuttering. He was all Emo/Gothic in the dream and was applying black eyeliner while looking into one of those hand-mirrors).
Everyone wanted to go on the waterslides, but I had the feeling something horrible was going to happen with the ocean and I didn't want my son getting wet here anyway (the water was everywhere), so I wanted to take him home. I knew Mama would help me and believe me if she could understand, but I couldn't seem to get her attention long enough to tell her.
Meanwhile, my baby was getting smaller all the time. This made perfect sense in the dream, but it seems strange to me now since I started carrying him around in my old tooth-fairy pillow. I didn't want him to get lost and washed out to sea.
It turned out the place had bad service so they decided to leave it. This made me relieved. But instead, Mama said that there were some really cool baby toys in a house on the beach. I had a bad feeling about this, but we went anyway. It was weird, because it seemed almost like the house had no walls in the dream--it was a part of the beach, and the stairs and the fridge and picture frames were all just sitting on the sand, but the sand was the floor. We were looking for the baby toys, but all we found was this old rusty thing so we turned back and started walking back up the beach.
This beach was all these canyons and high walls of rock...we were in the middle canyon. It was starting to get dark by now and the tide was coming in dangerously close to us, and the little tooth fairy pillow my son was in was so wet...I didn't know if he had caught cold, but I was afraid to look.
Then it occurred to me that this all made sense--because all the huge sea creatures are so very tiny when they're born compared to how big they get later. I was thinking about how a baby colossal squid is only 10 feet long when it is born, and such...and then I knew that my son had gone back to the sea, and he had never been mine in the first place. I had just really needed him to be, and so he had let me.
But now, the tide was getting really high and I was panicking because there was no way out in sight, and the canyons were too high to climb. Mama didn't seem worried, and I didn't know why and it didn't seem like it was her anymore. I knew I had to get out, and suddenly the canyons looked much less high and I knew I could climb them, but I had to quick. I did, and by now the little house was way underwater, and so was the thing I had assumed was my mother--but it wasn't. I knew my mother was safe at home and that this woman was from the sea too, and that was why I couldn't make her understand me.
That's all I can remember.