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I'm exhausted and upset and depressed (that fast, see?) - See the Amanda, Feel the Shine! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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I'm exhausted and upset and depressed (that fast, see?) [May. 4th, 2006|05:12 pm]
[Current Mood |bitchybitchy]

I'm in a foul-ass mood. Not even the Internet is fulfilling anymore. I don't like life very much if it's this tiring. Or my job, for that matter. There's only one more week to go before the end, and all I can think of is how tired I am.
Nonstop work/school days all this week. I keep trying to visualize the money, but that's not even working anymore. Today brought long lines of nonstop, foul-mouthed, rude, ungrateful customers. It also brought me a raging tension headache. I used to LOVE work--but this week, it's like this foul-tasting medicine I have to swallow without complaint.
My voice is tired--all this vocal effort being put out to customers who don't give a damn anyway. When Ari called, I had to tell him to call later because it felt like if I said ONE more thing to anybody, I'd collapse under the weight of my own words.
I don't like having his call feel like an annoyance. I want to be excited about being there so soon! But now it seems that being excited would only waste valuable energy. There's so much being demanded of me, all at once.

I'm also finally realizing how little money $7 an hour is. I've worked my ass off today, drained all my mental and physical essence and spoiled my mood--all for $56 minus tax. It used to seem like so much money...
I can't even MASTURBATE, I'm so tired. This is what corporations do to me, and they shouldn't have this horrible power over what I can and can't do. I want my happiness back, DAMN IT--right now!

Also, time and again lately--I get an e-mail and get all excited, only to find out it's some stupid forward or an advertisement. Or I hear the phone ring, only to find out it's TELEMARKETERS. And when someone DOES miraculously call or e-mail or comment, I'm too tired to appreciate it anyway!
Well, time to expel some mental juice on homework...whoohooooo, right?

Am I seriously gonna be ok? At times like these, I childishly wish someone was there to rock me to sleep and comfort me and say everything will be alright.

[User Picture]From: palmer_kun
2006-05-04 05:59 pm (UTC)
I should warn you... don't expect to get $7/hr in NJ.

They have a lower minimum wage than Cali. If you got the same (25c over minimum) you'll get $6.40 there.

Be glad it doesn't have the federal minimum, which would be another dollar less.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-04 06:12 pm (UTC)
Yeah. I'd already realized that. More good news to add to the pile, eh?
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From: camillesantiago
2006-05-04 06:19 pm (UTC)
We all go through these moments when you can't even picture your happy thought. You act like your happy, but inside you know that your upset, tired, and not really ready to deal with any harsh reality that may have come up. Don't lose hope. Follow the light out of the tunnel and happiness will be yours.

The last sentence sounds like a fourtune cookie sort of.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-07 07:43 am (UTC)
It does! I'd thought that exact same thing, lol :P
And yeah, I'll just have to. It will be here soon, before I know it :)
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From: turkeysock
2006-05-04 06:41 pm (UTC)
aww you'll be okay..you're just smashed full of stress and anxiety, it was bound to happen..it will pass and you'll be on your way to boundless happy times with Ari :D
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-07 07:41 am (UTC)
Yaaaay! I've just gotta keep thinking that, I guess.
"Just keep swimming..." lol.
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[User Picture]From: glacier_kitty
2006-05-04 06:56 pm (UTC)
I think everyone's been depressed and tired this week...every day this week I've freaked out over little things and I've been SO stressed I've felt like I was getting sick. You will be ok...I think it's something in the air that's making people tired and depressed. Also, I miss Frank DellaPenna so much it hurts...badly...I never missed Nick this much. It'll pass, Amanda *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-07 07:40 am (UTC)
I think so too--maybe it's the pollen in the air :P Or, more likely, the bad mood's just spreading. It helps a tiny bit to know this, thank you.
And Frank will be back!! Have you e-mailed him since? That may make you feel better.
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[User Picture]From: pieni
2006-05-05 03:01 am (UTC)
I'm sure you'll be fine. *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-07 07:38 am (UTC)
Thank you hun. I hope to goodness so--one more week, and I'll know one way or the other.
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From: (Anonymous)
2006-05-05 07:28 am (UTC)
You're so tired you can't even MASTURBATE eh? Bummer! A sure sign it's time to move on! As an optimist as well as a masturbator I strongly suspect everything will be alright! Cheers!

californiamike.blogspot.com (who has never had that problem!)
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[User Picture]From: rewhite
2006-05-05 10:34 am (UTC)
Unfortunately, as a college student with a not-very-paternal father, she needs the money.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-07 07:36 am (UTC)
You seem to take much more novelty out of being a biological organism than people should. We are, yes...with OR without the redundance of common facts.
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[User Picture]From: pseudolollipop
2006-05-06 04:21 pm (UTC)
Yes you are going to be okay. You're just in the doldrums, like in The Phantom Tollbooth. Seriously sucky days happen but they only make great days that much better. Ya know? Haha, 7$ an hour, try 6.75$ now that is suckitude. I know its only a quarter less, but do you know how much difference some silvers make :-P
Oh well, at least you'll be making bank and while now the money doesn't seem worth it, when you've got the money in your hand I'm sure it'll be very very nice.
Oh yeah and FUCK rude customers. Hehe yeah, just used my foulmouth, but at least it was to be supportive. :-P
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-07 07:15 am (UTC)
Good point hun--I'll just keep thinking of that extra quarter (since yeah, $6.75 is minimum wage here). I do feel a bit better now.
And supportive foul-mouthed-ness is the BEST way to be supportive--yes, fuck 'em right up the ass. That'll learn 'em! lol.
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