|I'm exhausted and upset and depressed (that fast, see?)
||[May. 4th, 2006|05:12 pm]
I'm in a foul-ass mood. Not even the Internet is fulfilling anymore. I don't like life very much if it's this tiring. Or my job, for that matter. There's only one more week to go before the end, and all I can think of is how tired I am.
Nonstop work/school days all this week. I keep trying to visualize the money, but that's not even working anymore. Today brought long lines of nonstop, foul-mouthed, rude, ungrateful customers. It also brought me a raging tension headache. I used to LOVE work--but this week, it's like this foul-tasting medicine I have to swallow without complaint.
My voice is tired--all this vocal effort being put out to customers who don't give a damn anyway. When Ari called, I had to tell him to call later because it felt like if I said ONE more thing to anybody, I'd collapse under the weight of my own words.
I don't like having his call feel like an annoyance. I want to be excited about being there so soon! But now it seems that being excited would only waste valuable energy. There's so much being demanded of me, all at once.
I'm also finally realizing how little money $7 an hour is. I've worked my ass off today, drained all my mental and physical essence and spoiled my mood--all for $56 minus tax. It used to seem like so much money...
I can't even MASTURBATE, I'm so tired. This is what corporations do to me, and they shouldn't have this horrible power over what I can and can't do. I want my happiness back, DAMN IT--right now!
Also, time and again lately--I get an e-mail and get all excited, only to find out it's some stupid forward or an advertisement. Or I hear the phone ring, only to find out it's TELEMARKETERS. And when someone DOES miraculously call or e-mail or comment, I'm too tired to appreciate it anyway!
Well, time to expel some mental juice on homework...whoohooooo, right?
Am I seriously gonna be ok? At times like these, I childishly wish someone was there to rock me to sleep and comfort me and say everything will be alright.