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Ok Life, you've won. Now give me a frickin' break, ok? - See the Amanda, Feel the Shine! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Ok Life, you've won. Now give me a frickin' break, ok? [May. 12th, 2006|07:21 pm]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

How could it be?
The semester's ended, my plane leaves Tuesday. I should be overjoyed. But instead I feel like I can't stop screwing stuff up! I feel like a burden to everyone. I just keep putting my foot in my mouth and sounding like a stupid, uninformed, bitchy person who clings to everybody with an iron grip. Then, surprise!...I screw things up even more!!
Am I really this way, or is it just my mind ruining things when I should be most joyous, as usual?

I may be over the anorexia, but the root of what caused it is still deep inside me. Can I really handle letting myself get excited about something, or am I once again going to let myself ruin everything?

That must be what caused it. Or, am I just annoying as hell?
Yessssss indeedy. Yeah. I hate the moments when I hate myself, and that makes me hate them even more because I feel like I shouldn't dislike hating myself because it's only what I deserve...why does ANYONE love me? Or are they just acting like they do? Have I been unconsciously fooling them? I shouldn't be deceiving them like this. They need to know who I truly am.

Whatever else, I've just screwed things up royally that were none of my frickin' business. Bravo, Amanda!!
Do me a favor and take me off your friends' lists and voice your utter contempt at how disgusting of a person I am. I'm asking for it just by complaining yet again.

From: camillesantiago
2006-05-12 10:41 pm (UTC)
Amanda first of all shut up. Second- look around you and see how many people (ok not the bad people) you've made contact with. Some of us are friends, we are people. We hurt just like you. We are there to pick you up when you are down. And, I'm not going to unfriend you. You are like a sister to me...

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Hope these words help.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-13 06:28 am (UTC)
Thank you, my dearest Mary. They do help, a lot. And thank you...I'm much better this morning, but this comment made me feel betterer! *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: mrfantastico
2006-05-13 02:35 am (UTC)
The day i take you off my friends list is the day the Pope puts on a tutu and dances the macerena with Darth Vader and Jesus
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-13 06:27 am (UTC)
Awwwwww, hahahaha thank you my dear. If I ever see an article on the subject, I'll know to fear my ultimate demise from your lovely clutches. And thankfully I feel better now. And after this image, I'm feeling better still! *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: raven89
2006-05-13 05:12 am (UTC)
I'd never take you from my friends list !
Your entries can always make me smile :)
Cuz you're amazing
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-13 06:25 am (UTC)
My dear...thank you so much. I'm glad they do :)
I had a bit of um...a very unconfident moment with this entry. Thankfully things are fixed now and I feel better (and now with these comments, I feel even better still!). *hugs* You're amazing too.
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[User Picture]From: rewhite
2006-05-13 07:44 pm (UTC)
This is pretty well taken care of. Still, I must add that most people overestimate thier own ability at deceit. Most people see through others quite easily, men, doubly so because we have less empathy and faith in others. You aren't deceiving us because none of us see it. I, at least, can see through you and like what I see.

Would you have attracted this crowd if you weren't worth it?
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-15 05:50 am (UTC)
Thank you, my dear...I sincerely hope so. I just wish I could see through myself, if only for a moment. Just for the reassurance of it.
And I hope not...I always make such petty excuses as to why others want to be my friend. Pretty silly, really...it's probably because they LIKE me, as you said.
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