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Amanda apparently needs stress. [May. 31st, 2006|07:37 am]
[Listening to |rammstein]

I was soooo angsty this weekend...seriously, if I'd been forcefully marooned on the Emo Islands from it, I wouldn't have blamed whoever did it.
It's because I've had no schedule. You know, nothing to do and no priorities to fulfill and no pressing duties of my own. In addition, I've had very little knowledge of what each day will bring. There's no job, no school, no area that I know. I'm just...here, along for the ride. I felt useless and unmotivated and blind and bothersome and dead of emotion.
So yeah...in a nutshell, poor me and poor Ari. Goodness knows he handled this first in-person angst attack surprisingly well. That's a good thing because both of us know he's in for a whooooole lot more. Cause...if you have Amanda, you also have prime exposure to her problems.

On Sunday morning I was crying without even knowing why I cried, and saying how hopeless and blind I feel because I don't have a schedule and so every bit of my life's up in the air...so what does Ari do? He sits down and writes me a schedule.
That was really really sweet of him, and it also succeeded in putting me out of the depression. I now have a schedule to follow (complete with times!) and feel much less lost even though my duties, or lack thereof, haven't changed much (though I do get an hour of "mooshie mooshie" time in the evening! Thanks Ari :P).

So! Out of that slump and much better now. Let's hope it's a long time before the next. See why I need a job?
Kean University offers free counseling appointments to all students--I'll make it a point to sign up and go weekly, once the fall semester starts. I still have many problems and they still must be worked on. Plus...I promised my sister I would resume therapy a long time ago, yet I still haven't and that's pretty screwed up of me.

There's been no time to update, but I'm hoping this has changed because there's so much I've been wanting to say.

[User Picture]From: glacier_kitty
2006-05-31 03:07 pm (UTC)
Having a schedule is very much an autistic thing...ironically I really don't like schedules...they make me feel stressed and pressured. It was nice of Ari to do that for you :)

Yay counceling!
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-31 05:45 pm (UTC)
I indeed can see why they'd make you stressed...though yeah, that is very ironic! Perhaps we unconsciously possess switched traits or something, lol.
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[User Picture]From: rewhite
2006-05-31 05:05 pm (UTC)
Just because I could make you a schedule doesn't mean I could be made to keep one.

I hateschedules!
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2006-05-31 05:43 pm (UTC)
Of course you hate them--that goes without saying, lol.
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From: camillesantiago
2006-05-31 09:09 pm (UTC)
Aww. -Hugs- everything will be okay soon. This is the reason I don't like summer, because there is always nothing to do. But anyway stick to your day job. Lol...
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