||[Jun. 12th, 2006|10:01 am]
And now the anxiety's this painful knot in my stomach and I can't make my heart stop speeding...why do I do this to myself???|
People: do me a favor. NEVER take your jobs for granted. Once it is gone and you're considered undesirable like me, you'll ache for it back. Make the most of it while you have it, because you're damn lucky to be employed and getting a paycheck.
The rest of us aren't that lucky. I was, and I gave it all up without fear...and now, what? Another four months of searching lie ahead for me?
I just want to feel useful. I hate feeling jealousy and anger towards every single person who even MENTIONS their job. These people are my friends! Makes me a bad person, huh? Yet, I feel like I've earned one ten times over already and I STILL don't have one. Damn fate. I just want to get my breath back to a healthy rate world, please?
I've become one of the masses: I've let money control my life. It's one of the few things I've truly feared, and now I've let it happen...