||[Jun. 18th, 2006|06:17 pm]
I've been feeling so blank when it comes to this journal. This is the longest I've ever gone without a subject coming to me, but since it always happens to some degree when a big change comes, I guess it's natural. Especially since this last month's contained the BIGGEST changes I've ever had to deal with.
I'm not doing so well with this, in a lot of ways. It's been hard for my mind to cooperate with me, namely because all the idle time without school or a job leaves this big need for my mind to start worrying about every possible thing, and making me feel horrible in the process. Ari's helping me to look for a good counselor to start with, hopefully this week. I'm tired of feeling the way I do. I don't think it will be in anyone's best interest for me to be feeling like this all summer. It really will set me back.
Besides the plethora of mental problems, things are great here. I just need to find the mindset in which I can focus on them for more than a day. Whenever I start to feel REALLY happy, my mind makes me feel guilty and helpless and the whole situation reverses.
So...I will be updating again when I can, and hopefully replying to your comments within the next decade. I just need to get the right mindset and inspiration to get back to it.
Until then, I miss you and I really hate having to put up with this lack of ideas, writer's block, etcetcetcetc.
Thanks hun, I'll be trying. Though right now the best muse I've been able to find has been cheese. It's something new to write about! But oh dear, I may indeed be turning into The Cheese Poet *shudder*.
The Cheese Poet? Gouda Grief!
I wish I had something more constructive to add to this post, but I just can't find the words at the moment. I really hope you start to feel better about everything - just remember that there are people that care about you.
I found it hard when I wasn't working or studying or anything else to occupy myself, even when I was trying to keep busy with writing. Maybe try setting yourself up a little schedule to follow throughout the day, so that perhaps your brain will be tricked into concentrating on the little things that you have to do at set times, instead of being allowed to wander off without a leash... ;)
Best of luck. Thinking of you. *hugs*
Thanks hun, I'm glad I'm not alone in these feelings.
Things are slightly better now that Ari's out of school and I have him as some sort of constant. He had made me a schedule a while back, and it did help a lot. My mood's with me most of the time, and now I simply must coax my emotions to follow (if that makes any sense at all, lol).
And thank you--I certainly will be needing that luck :)
Aww, we'll miss you if you don't update :( But I wish you all the luck in dealing with everything *hug*
I don't mean to pry, but I've just recently added you and I'm not sure what exactly happened the past few months with your parents..if you don't want to talk about it again, maybe you explained it somewhere before in your journal? If you don't want me to know, that's ok too *smile* Hope you feel better soon!!
Thank you. Hopefully I'll be more inspired soon.
And of course I don't mind--you added me in the middle of a whole bunch of major changes, so of course you're confused. I've basically moved from California to New Jersey (3000 miles). My parents are divorced...I lived with my mother until I was 17, and then, with all of us figuring I needed a change of scene after my recovery from anorexia, I moved in with my father and stepmother for two years. Well, things were going awfully with them and life was starting to go to hell. Plus, I'd been in a long-distance relationship with Ari for a loooong time and that was starting to get painful. I also needed to transfer to a University soon anyway, since my two-year degree was almost done. So I moved across the country, and here I am with him and his family.
I hope this helps, lol...that's a broad summary to say the least, but really...feel free to ask if anything remains unclear.
Aww thanks for that explanation, it definitely cleared up a lot :) Hope you've settled in and are a lot happier now *hug*