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Confusions on making friends [Nov. 15th, 2007|02:48 pm]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Does anyone have advice or opinions about this?

Since I've become more confident and more established in my life and grown out of my childhood shyness, I haven't been afraid to approach and talk to people, even total strangers. This has been good: I feel a part of a group and I like it, which is something I never could say before. Instead of seeming a bother and a potential embarrassment, socialization actually now is quite enjoyable. But regardless of this, and regardless of the fact that people say hi to me all over campus, I really don't have anyone here who meets the definition of a friend.

It might be because I give such an unconscious impression of being busy, or perhaps they tune into that little bit of my quiet, aloof, 'loner' persona that is left over in the now-talkative, well-spoken me. Whatever it is, over the 18 months I've lived here I've ended up with a whole slew (maybe 20 or 30) of strong, solid 'acquaintances' that I consider to be potential friends but who have never really become friends. I've sought some out, others have sought me out, we all are happy to see each other and converse quite readily during classes or when we run into each other on campus, but that's it. It never goes beyond that. I offer to study with many of them and we often do, or vice versa, but that's it.

I suspect it's because very few people here at Kean transferred from another state like me. Most are local, like Ari, and have solid social roots here from their twelve years spent in school. They have childhood best friends and, like me, they are busy. So perhaps the college life doesn't leave much room for establishing new, long-lasting friendships save for the most opportune ones (such as conversing in class because it's convenient). Or maybe I'm just really different from most people my age, and they sense that?

I don't know for sure though...being social's still new to me and a lot of times I find it counterintuitive. Is it normal for college friendships to be like this or am I missing something?

[User Picture]From: minuet1965
2007-11-16 12:12 am (UTC)

as someone who used to be like that I can understand kind of what you're talking about. I think sometimes if we are quiet and aloof we become unapproachable or people think we are.

its a real stretch to come out of your shell if you are introverted but it is possible. I find I'm happier if I am around ppl but i still like my alone time
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[User Picture]From: mrfantastico
2007-11-16 08:27 am (UTC)
Well what is your definition of a friend?
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[User Picture]From: opera_lover_44
2007-11-16 11:33 am (UTC)
I can totally relate to what you're saying, the same thing happens to me. The one person who I can almost count as a close friend moved away and is going to a different school so I NEVER get to see her. Yet I still have to get out of the shy, anti-social phase lol I'll probably do better when I'm with someone I know *shrugs* anyways, I can't say why you have so many aquantiances who aren't putting the effort into becoming better friends cause I don't know them or the campus you're on. However, I do know that they're missing out on the friendship of a lifetime :)
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