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Found this in my Archive [Sep. 24th, 2003|08:22 am]
[Current Mood |refreshedrefreshed]

I'm horrible at poetry, but I found my best poem from June and thought I would post it again. It's kind of depressing, but it sums up how I feel right now.

Writing's more my thing. Hopefully.
I see...
I see the land change and the dinosaurs disappear
I see a new time beginning
I see the ancient forests, rivers and plains
I see these places nurturing new species as they come into being
I see a new kind of animal crossing the bridge into this land
I see them respecting the beauty that gave them life
I see someting coming across the endless sea
I see a strange new animal planting a symbol that the land is now owned
I see the slaughter of the way things used to be
I see the destruction of everything beautiful
I see the land claimed, the forests cut, the animals killed
I see an ocean of symmetrical squares of concrete
I see this ocean growing, pushing back all else
I see mass extinction, more so than before
I see the world dying, crying out for help
And I cry over the bones of the earth

[User Picture]From: pseudolollipop
2003-09-24 10:42 pm (UTC)


i liked your poem. I was reading it out loud, and it sounded pretty good, but ever since i've started public speaking, I read alot of things out loud. But I especially like the ending, its cool. And to be great at poetry, it takes practice. haha and a biiig vocabulary is an advantage too ;-D
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-09-24 10:50 pm (UTC)

Re: methinks

Thank you--that's a big compliment.
Very true--maybe if I write more poems, I can get better at it (lol). And yes, reading things out loud really helps sometimes.
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From: deonwe
2003-09-25 12:34 am (UTC)
A feeling I think I share but as I wasn't in you're head, I don't know.

Anyway it makes me think, which makes it very good. But as you shared you're poetry with me I thought I would show you this. Its not finnished and is a bit (MINE) if you know what I mean.

MAN: If God is just, our protector, our saviour
Why did he give us such strange behaviour.

LUCIFER " the only one of you're creations
that makes war in you're name,
like two opposing teams in some silly game.

They kill, they lie, they cheat and they steal,
so dear creater how does it feel.

To sit back and observe as you're own image fails
like an undriven train leaving the rails.

I told you you're message was unclear before
so you sent me down here to forever abhore.

Gabriel: I declare with tears in my eyes
please do not harken to his foul evil lies.

God: but Gabriel, he doth tell the truth
my message is lost that I spoke in their youth.

Though mine is the crime of the life they have spent.
thus mine shall be the light for which they finally repent.

I'm not religious at all but it came from somewhere.

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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-09-25 12:52 am (UTC)
That's very good--it flows, like poems are supposed to. And the question in the first line makes a very good point. Thanks for sharing.
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