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I'm so damn lonely... - See the Amanda, Feel the Shine! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Amanda

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I'm so damn lonely... [May. 6th, 2008|10:41 pm]
Amanda
[Current Mood |depressedupset]

People keep saying how amazing it is that at 19 years of age I struck out on my own. I moved across the country and left my whole family behind. For two years I've managed to support myself and go to school full-time and, to tell you the truth, the transition was strangely easy. Even two years later, I feel miraculously set in my New Jersey ways.

This doesn't change the fact, though, that it's slowly catching up to me. I ache to see my family. I miss my little Minuet. I think reminiscently--almost romantically!--about the California landscape. I cling to memories of my childhood and my heritage because at this point, it feels like that's all I have.

Even though Ari's family feel like family and are a great comfort, they don't fulfill the same need as mine. There are some days that I burst into tears at the mere thought of my mother or sister...or my "little" brother (he's probably not so little anymore!). Even my father. I'm losing touch with all of them. I'm on another coast with no intention of ever moving back and with no hope of ever visiting regularly. My new life is here and because of this I feel so desperately alienated from these roots of mine.

No matter who's around, no one here can make this hurt go away and no matter where I find myself, my soul will always be split between two coasts.
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