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The depression's worse today. I feel like nothing matters. I yelled… - See the Amanda, Feel the Shine! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Amanda

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[Oct. 15th, 2003|11:41 am]
Amanda
The depression's worse today. I feel like nothing matters. I yelled at my family yesterday. I'm a horrible person because I keep doing this. The harder I try to stop my temper, the worse it gets. I don't like yelling, so why do I keep this up? I'm turning into something horrible, and the downward spiral won't reverse itself no matter what I do. Is this another phase of my anorexia? Or is it something worse?
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[User Picture]From: dancenfree
2003-10-15 07:13 pm (UTC)

worried about you

Amanda, do you have any idea what started the depression? Are you taking meds? Do they need to be changed? You are so worth everything. You are not a horrible person. But I do agree that our eating disorder can come back full force when we least expect it. But don't give in. Dig and try and find out what it is that you are feeling. Everything matters. You have so much to offer and you are so smart. don't give up. Re read your journals and follow the fighting advice you have given to all of us. Nurture yourself.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-10-16 02:46 pm (UTC)

Re: worried about you

Thank you so much--I feel much better today. Yesterday I forced myself to eat and managed it, so luckily I'm not going backwards. I don't know what started it--I usually never do, but I think it was a mix of small things.
Anyway, thank you--I'll try to find out exactly what is causing it.
I hope everything is going all right where you are, and that you are better.
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[User Picture]From: dancenfree
2003-10-16 02:51 pm (UTC)

Re: worried about you

glad to hear it. Fight to go ahead. going back is really not fun and a lot of brain power and hard work you have already done to get out of. I, being one of the lucky ones, has met you and know how truely special you are. If getting together would help let me know and we can arrange something. hang in there.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-10-16 03:14 pm (UTC)

Re: worried about you

Thank you--you are a very special person as well, and I'm very glad to have met you. Getting together would always help, and I'm sure it would help both of us. This weekend I'll be in Sacramento, but any other time (or place) is fine with me.
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[User Picture]From: dancenfree
2003-10-16 03:37 pm (UTC)

Re: worried about you

okay, will try and look at the calandar and plan something. Maybe we can get butterflytobe to join us.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-10-16 11:26 pm (UTC)

Re: worried about you

Cool--thanks a lot. I'll start looking at the calendar too. It would be great to see both of you :)
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-10-16 02:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much--I feel a lot better today. I'm not sure exactly what caused it, but I think it was stress and a mix of small things. I'll try not to feel like a horrible person--I feel like less of one today--and thank you so much for the compliment. You seem very loving and caring as well. I'll try to find the root of the problem.
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[User Picture]From: nudetulip
2003-10-15 09:19 pm (UTC)
i have a problem with hurting and yelling at the people i care about too. i always feel horrible and guilty afterwards. i think it might be part of borderline personality disorder, which i might have.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-10-16 02:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the suggestion--I've done some research and it seems like I might have it too. I just hope that I don't have paranoid personality disorder--much worse. I'm glad to hear that others have problems with this too. Anyway, I managed to stop yelling at people for months a while back, so I'm attempting to try it again.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-10-16 03:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much--it's hard to believe that sometimes, but I'm trying. I have depression pretty often, and it seems to be getting worse as I get older. I'm usually able to hide it, but this time I couldn't. In this case, I think that mainly stress is the cause, as well as some other little things.
I seemed to be relapsing yesterday but I forced myself to eat, and today I'm back to normal.
Thank you for the support--I'll try to continue to be strong.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-10-17 12:07 am (UTC)
Thank you so much--I should be able to keep it up, but I'll let everyone know if I need help in the future.
Thank you for the compliments too--they make me feel good about myself, and that's a really hard thing to accomplish.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-10-17 02:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much--I really like you too :)
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