|A lengthy entry about school, dreams, and possible past lives
||[Jun. 8th, 2003|11:02 am]
|||||Barenaked Ladies--"This is Me in Grade Nine"||]|
Well, I officially signed up for college and my first day is next Monday. I'm really excited about taking classes (which are, by the way, Psychology and Yoga), and for some reason I'm not terrified of college the way I am of public school. Live Oak seemed like a prison to me; I know I only went there for four days, but it was really scary. It is wierd being a high school graduate, though, considering the fact that I didn't even complete the tenth grade. I came pretty close, though, with Mama home-schooling me (by the way, she's an excellent teacher), but then I got the Proficiency Test results and had officially graduated from high school.
Oh yeah--moving on to the (possible) past-life dream I was talking about in a previous entry. No one so far has believed it was a past-life dream except me, and I really feel it was--I even cried about it several times--but here it is anyway as it appears in my dream journal. It applies to the way I feel about my parents' divorce and the fact that I needed to get better, as well as to parts of one of my previous lives.
"Strangely, I was the father of a family living at our house. I didn't know anyone except Julian, who was my daughter at that time. I had several partially-healed bullet wounds from going outside and being shot at from a white car on several occasions. I went outside very cautiously to trim the roses, and presently I saw the white car. I ducked but they still saw me, so soon I was being shot at again. The car started coming up the driveway, so I ran to the garage and shut the door. Of course the door wouldn't shut all the way, so the people came and shot at me from under the door. I ran into the house to protect my family, and pretty soon the doorbell rang. It was my parents (not Mama and Daddy, just my parents in the dream). I told my family to get out of the house through the back door while I tried to get rid of them. Just then, they both passed through the closed door and started shooting at us. The dream kept going on and on, and I don't remember the end of it, only me running and my parents chasing and shooting. Eventually, though, I found out that it was only part of a movie, and at the end of it the parents started dancing and bowing."
Well, how do I begin interpreting this? Well, I have been mentally wounded from my parents' divorce, and I continue to be even to this day.
I remembered more of this dream later on, though. My two children, a boy of about 8 and a girl of around 6, were standing in front of a wall with curtains in which the sun was shining through, and both of them had an expectant expression and seemed to want me to go through the curtains into the sunlight. I later learned that this wall symbolizes that I'm on the threshold of getting better--all I need to do is walk over it.
I later was also overwhelmed by the notion that my children were in danger and I started to cry because I didn't know what had happened to them. They were both very thin, though not nearly as thin as me and my wife, and had dirty faces. The little girl had light blond hair and brown eyes, and the boy had brown hair and brown eyes. They both looked very familiar to me, especially Julian. I got the impression that his name had been Sonia or something like that. And speaking of my wife, I knew that she wasn't in danger because she was near but not near, just as if she was dead. Then the word "famine" popped into my head.
Weird. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before or has happened since, besides the fact that that same day I knew that me and my mother had been sisters, and that her name was Mercado, or something like that.
Anyway, here is the big question: Does anyone think I'm crazy because of this dream?