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A lengthy entry about school, dreams, and possible past lives - See the Amanda, Feel the Shine! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Amanda

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A lengthy entry about school, dreams, and possible past lives [Jun. 8th, 2003|11:02 am]
Amanda
[Current Mood |weirdweird]
[Listening to |Barenaked Ladies--"This is Me in Grade Nine"]

Well, I officially signed up for college and my first day is next Monday. I'm really excited about taking classes (which are, by the way, Psychology and Yoga), and for some reason I'm not terrified of college the way I am of public school. Live Oak seemed like a prison to me; I know I only went there for four days, but it was really scary. It is wierd being a high school graduate, though, considering the fact that I didn't even complete the tenth grade. I came pretty close, though, with Mama home-schooling me (by the way, she's an excellent teacher), but then I got the Proficiency Test results and had officially graduated from high school.

Oh yeah--moving on to the (possible) past-life dream I was talking about in a previous entry. No one so far has believed it was a past-life dream except me, and I really feel it was--I even cried about it several times--but here it is anyway as it appears in my dream journal. It applies to the way I feel about my parents' divorce and the fact that I needed to get better, as well as to parts of one of my previous lives.
"Strangely, I was the father of a family living at our house. I didn't know anyone except Julian, who was my daughter at that time. I had several partially-healed bullet wounds from going outside and being shot at from a white car on several occasions. I went outside very cautiously to trim the roses, and presently I saw the white car. I ducked but they still saw me, so soon I was being shot at again. The car started coming up the driveway, so I ran to the garage and shut the door. Of course the door wouldn't shut all the way, so the people came and shot at me from under the door. I ran into the house to protect my family, and pretty soon the doorbell rang. It was my parents (not Mama and Daddy, just my parents in the dream). I told my family to get out of the house through the back door while I tried to get rid of them. Just then, they both passed through the closed door and started shooting at us. The dream kept going on and on, and I don't remember the end of it, only me running and my parents chasing and shooting. Eventually, though, I found out that it was only part of a movie, and at the end of it the parents started dancing and bowing."

Well, how do I begin interpreting this? Well, I have been mentally wounded from my parents' divorce, and I continue to be even to this day.
I remembered more of this dream later on, though. My two children, a boy of about 8 and a girl of around 6, were standing in front of a wall with curtains in which the sun was shining through, and both of them had an expectant expression and seemed to want me to go through the curtains into the sunlight. I later learned that this wall symbolizes that I'm on the threshold of getting better--all I need to do is walk over it.
I later was also overwhelmed by the notion that my children were in danger and I started to cry because I didn't know what had happened to them. They were both very thin, though not nearly as thin as me and my wife, and had dirty faces. The little girl had light blond hair and brown eyes, and the boy had brown hair and brown eyes. They both looked very familiar to me, especially Julian. I got the impression that his name had been Sonia or something like that. And speaking of my wife, I knew that she wasn't in danger because she was near but not near, just as if she was dead. Then the word "famine" popped into my head.
Weird. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before or has happened since, besides the fact that that same day I knew that me and my mother had been sisters, and that her name was Mercado, or something like that.
Anyway, here is the big question: Does anyone think I'm crazy because of this dream?
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: thedarkcrystal
2003-06-08 02:14 pm (UTC)
Well, the part starting from "I later was also overwhelmed..." could be a past life thing. But the rest of it obviously isn't. I have dreams all the time about people shooting at me and my family. It is generally supposed to symbolize some new part of yourself which is surfacing and which you are afraid of and is threatening to your current way of living. Starting from the beginning, going outside resulted in being shot at. So you would rather keep on doing what you are doing and stay "inside" where you feel safe. It hurts to go outside, but you are compelled to do it anyway. You want to trim the roses, which could symbolize organizing your thoughts or fixing some part of your broken psyche. You want to go outside and experience something new. You want to let this new part of yourself in. But then when you are confronted with it, you try to hide and avoid the pain which comes with change. But it finds you anyway, you cannot escape from it, the door will not shut, and the pain of course finds you again. Your "family" could symbolize different parts of yourself. You are the father, the head of the family, the one who makes the decisions and protects the rest of the family. The rest of your family could be different aspects of your subconscious or different things which you know you need to change but are afraid to. You tell them to run away so pain cannot find them. You open the door to let change in, but then you close the door out of fear. But it comes in anyway. This dream is terrifying because the change is terrifying.
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[User Picture]From: minuetcat
2003-06-08 03:39 pm (UTC)

Re:

I think you're right about the symbols in this dream -- thank you for clarifying them for me. I knew this dream was extremely important and a few reasons why, but not nearly as much as is written here.
I think, though, that my subconscious showed me one of my past life families and let me know that they want me to walk over that threshold and be healthy. I just keep seeing my childrens' expressions--they really want me to!
My family could also symbolize what you said as well, though, and both of these interpretations make a lot of sense to me.
Thank you for your comment.
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